The News In Satire

OSUN –28-year-old Olajumoke Adeniyi reportedly asked her 32-year-old husband, Olaolu Adeniyi, to leave their matrimonial home because of infidelity.

In what has been a tale of twists and turns, a 28-year-old Olajumoke Adeniyi in Osogbo had asked her husband to leave the matrimonial home. Crowds gathered in their one-room apartment as the woman brandished a cutlass and threatened to cut off her husband’s penis if he ever returned.

Speaking with some of her neighbours, Olajumoke explained: “He is a shameless man. I work far from home so I leave very late and return late. This useless husband of mine uses that opportunity to cheat on me with a neighbour. I want him packing!”

The husband, a 32-year-old Olaolu Adeniyi, was in tears and begged for mercy. “It is not my fault. I was bored. You don’t have time for me anymore. You don’t call. All you do is make money. I like money, but I like sex more.”

Neighbours milled around to beg Olajumoke for mercy. One of them was popular Woke feminist, Chioma Chika. Although Chioma Chika is a big-time influencer on twitter, she quarts with her elder brother and his family of five in a single room apartment.

Chioma Chika said: “Woman, have mercy on your husband. It was the devil’s work. He was bored. Besides, all men cheat. Deal with it!”

Another twitter influencer, Bode Thomas, came to beg some money from Chioma Chika when he noticed the drama and offered to help. He said, “It is true, men are scum. That is why you should pity this man. Body no be firewood.”

After the matter was settled, the couple, twitter influencers came online to castigate a woman who was caught cheating on her husband in their matrimonial bed.

“That woman is stupid.” Chioma Chika tweeted. “That a man doesn’t have sex with you is not a valid excuse to cheat. I can’t stress this enough, ladies, learn to survive without a man in your life. It is that simple.

Bode Thomas also joined his voice. “If you can’t control our urges, stay single. If her husband decides to file for a divorce, he has my full support. Ladies will say they want money then complain when a man works hard to bring in money. What nonsense!”

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